My first time with another woman: tips and 6 best positions

Soon I will have  my first time with another woman …yeah, but what matters at that moment, especially if, before now, you’ve never had any other lesbian experiences? It doesn’t seem like it, but this question is common, especially among women who have never had sex with other women before and who, before the act, are curious, but also full of questions.

If this is your case, let’s start by reassuring you: not only is it possible to have 100% satisfying sex with another woman, but there is also more than one way to make love with another woman. For example, some women engage in  oral sex , while others go as far as mutual masturbation. Whatever your desires, there is plenty to choose from.

And, while  lesbian sex  clearly involves sex between two women, you don’t have to identify as a lesbian to enjoy female sex. Maybe you’re bisexual, maybe pansexual or, simply, you want to transgress or try something new. With that in mind, we’ll soon reveal what to expect from a first time with another woman.

My first time with another woman: safe sex,  yes please !

Adorable lesbian couple kissing outdoors - My first time with another woman

Even if your first time with another woman is a one night stand, remember not to forget the  dental dam  at home! This type of “female” condom, in addition to protecting you from the risk of transmittable diseases, will allow you to fully enjoy your first lesbian experience .

Sure, putting your tongue against a piece of latex isn’t exactly great, but it will prevent you from contracting diseases like HIV .

Before the act, also remember to be honest with your partner and wash your hands and under your nails well , because some sexually transmitted infections can also be transmitted through mutual masturbation. You can also purchase disposable surgeon’s gloves to use as finger condoms. 

Trim your nails and make sure your partner has done the same

Attractive young woman in white shirt cutting her nails

It’s kind of a lesbian saying that you can’t have long nails and have lesbian sex. Many  queer women , however, disagree with this statement: Acrylic and dip nails are still possible – and can be a lot of fun – during penetrative sex.

They are thicker and less sharp than regular nails, making them less dangerously scratchy. However, if you have nails that are like stiletto tips and could even gouge someone’s eyes out if they wanted, stay away from other women and their vaginas.

As for natural nails, they tend to be thinner and sharper. However, as long as they are short, they allow you to enjoy sex between women more  . In any case, if you are not sure and your partner is already experienced in lesbian sex, ask her what she prefers to avoid anxiety about scratching. And, nail length aside, before having sex with another woman, wash them well, especially the bottom part.

This way you will avoid bringing daytime bacteria to your partner’s most sensitive spots and causing urinary tract infections, or worse. However, if your partner is not an expert and it is the first time for both of you (it can happen), wash both your hands well and, where possible, cut her nails until they are very short.

Don’t forget about communication, both before and during sex

Friends having coffee together

Communication, both before and during sex, is important to understand what your partner likes and what she hates . If it’s your first time with another woman, tell her straight and loud, then explore her boundaries, his limits and her interests.

Here are some of the questions you could ask her, especially if you are still a virgin when it comes to lesbian sex:

  • What do you expect from me?;
  • Is there anything that makes you uncomfortable or embarrassing?;
  • Do you like it if I touch you in this part of your body?;
  • Do you like oral sex?;
  • Are you comfortable with anal sex?;
  • Would you like to use sex toys for the clitoris?;
  • Would you like to try a strap-on?;

Obviously your first lesbian sexual experience is not the time to dive into kinky sex or BDSM .

However, if the idea excites you and you feel comfortable, you can use a  safe word , like “pineapple” or “red” to let your partner know when something is becoming too much or you’re starting to feel uncomfortable. This  safe word  will ensure that nothing goes beyond what you feel comfortable doing.

When it comes to communication during sex, enthusiastic consent is a must, so always actively check that your partner loves what you’re doing to her and feels comfortable.

Sex with another woman: key word, go slowly

Cute blonde kissing her friend's hand - My first time with another woman

The best part about making love with another woman is that there is no set end, like there is with a man, so you can savor every moment. So, enjoy every moment calmly, because only in this way will you have plenty of time to relax and familiarize yourself with your partner’s body.

Furthermore, by going slowly, you can relieve all your anxieties, such as “am I doing something new” and can also help you have more confidence in your abilities.

And while orgasm should  n’t be the end of your sexual encounter, going slowly will help you, and your partner, achieve it more easily. The vagina, unlike the penis, needs prolonged and repetitive stimulation to reach climax. 

Don’t know how to get started? It starts with mutual masturbation

Mutual masturbation is the easiest, and least risky, way to start having sex with another woman. Provided, of course, that you feel comfortable touching yourself in front of your partner. 

With masturbation you can not only show her how you like to be touched, but also see how  she  likes to be touched. We can assure you that, after a short time, you will begin to explore each other and feel incredible.

Don’t forget to use lube, lots of lube

Premium silicone-based sex lube glide - Swiss Navy

Lubricant is not only useful in male-female sex. Even though vaginas are capable of lubricating themselves, it never hurts to add a little extra to make sure there’s no unbearable or painful friction. Furthermore, the use of a lubricant with a dental dam can increase the pleasure for the recipient, and this is not said by us, but by numerous sex educators in Italy.

If you use latex barrier methods, opt for a silicone or water-based lubricant to avoid damaging them. If you are having sex with a partner you trust, and whose health you know, you can also use oil lubricants – but never on condoms.

Give yourself a break every now and then

Tired girl preparing coffee in the kitchen

Because women have a shorter refractory period, lesbian sex, as opposed to heterosexual sex, does not have a particular stopping point. However, just because you and your partner, unlike guys, can go on for hours, that doesn’t mean you can’t stop and take a break.

Breaks, in addition to strengthening your bond, are necessary and encouraged, because you need to recharge and dedicate your energy to something other than sex. It is also important to know that you can stop even in the middle if you are tired or want to. After all, you don’t have to finish anything, so why should you rush?

Remember to have fun and let your partner have fun too!

2 laughing women lying in bed - My first time with another woman

Don’t try to show off to your partner or pretend to be more experienced than you are. It’s normal to want to pleasure your partner and show her your skills, but if it’s your first time with another woman, know that this process can take time.

Instead, for the first time, know that:

  • 1  – Sex should make you feel good;
  • 2  – Sex with another woman can be strange and cause strange sounds and smells, which are perfectly normal;
  • 3  – Your partner won’t judge your face and body sounds, but she will think about how sexy you really are;

So relax my friend. Take the pressure off yourself and just think about enjoying the moment.

The best positions for having sex with another woman

Beautiful business woman in suit and glasses holding documents

The first time with another woman, of course, you don’t have to perform stunts, use strap-ons or other sex toys. However, there are some positions that, in addition to being very easy and widely used by lesbians, will make the act even more pleasant. Here are some. Choose the one you like and prefer.

1 – The naughty finger

Also called “Finger it Out”, it can be done in a thousand and one different ways. Some women, for example, like hard and fast strokes directly on the clitoris , while others prefer to caress, slowly, the outer labia or the G-spot. If your partner makes you understand that she wants to be penetrated, don’t hesitate to stick a finger inside her vagina.

Start slowly, then slide one or two fingers along her slit, until they’re lubricated, then slide them inside. Go slow at first, then faster and faster. Switch from one rhythm to another and ask her which one she prefers. If you’re a visual learner, try asking your partner how she likes to masturbate.

2 – The South Gate

For many women, the part that puts them off the most about sleeping in bed with another woman is “oral sex.”. In reality it is not as complicated as you think, on the contrary: it is more intuitive than you might imagine. The best solution is to start slowly. She kisses her way that leads south.

Kiss and lick your partner’s thighs, hips, everywhere. When your partner is ready, she uses her tongue or fingers to separate her outer lips. Depending on your partner’s anatomy, this will also make it easier for you to find her clitoris. 

At first, avoid direct contact with your clitoris, as it may be too sensitive. Lick it around instead. Then, have fun. The pressure varies. Write your name in cursive with your tongue. Move your tongue in circles, then move it from side to side or up and down. As you experiment, pay attention to your partner’s reactions. And ask her what she likes.

3 – Strap-on yes or no?

Not all sex is penetrative and introducing a  “strap-on” into your game is by no means mandatory, especially if it’s your first time. In fact, not every vagina owner enjoys penetrative sex or will feel comfortable experimenting with a strap-on.

Alright then! That’s why, before you start, it’s important to have a conversation with your partner. However, if you both want to try  strap-on sex , it will take a little forethought, because you will need a harness, a dildo and a lubricant.

In case you haven’t gone dildo shopping yet: like vibrators, they come in different shapes and sizes. Some look like super dicks and have raised veins on the surface, others are shiny or rainbow-colored and less reminiscent of a penis.

Start with a silicone dildo, because it will move with your body. And if you can, buy it at a sex shop, because most shops allow you to touch and feel the dildos on display before purchasing them. And above all, start small and don’t let your eyes be bigger than your vagina.

Instead, focus on the girth of the dildo and ask yourself whether or not you’d like to feel it filling you, or whether you’d prefer something smaller. There are also numerous types of harnesses. If this is your first time purchasing and using one, opt for an adjustable model.

Now that you have all your gear, if you’re the woman who will be wearing the harness and dildo, practice doing a few thrusts beforehand. Get used to the feel and weight of the dildo. If you wish, you can also try masturbating with the same. However, if you are the partner being penetrated, don’t be afraid to tell your partner whether you like her or not.

4 – Add the ass (if you want)!

Yes, even the ass can be used in lesbian sex. However, anal play isn’t something everyone enjoys, so it’s important to make sure your partner enjoys it too. Try teasing your partner’s buttocks, then pass your hands over them and let them get closer to her erogenous zones.

Just like the vagina, the ass also “has thousands of sensitive nerve endings.” If your partner likes the feeling of your fingers, you might ask her if she would like to feel your tongue or use a butt plug

Of course: since anal sex is already next level, if you don’t feel up to it, you might not want to use it the first time you make love to another woman.

5 – Experiments in female pleasure

What we’ve shown you so far aren’t the only things you can do with your partner during your first lesbian time. For example, if you like it, you can also try nipple sex toysspankingsoft BDSM playerotic massagefisting and more.

You don’t have to be afraid to do what you think is right or even be afraid to experiment. Sometimes it can be very easy to wonder if you should do something the first time you have sex with another woman. Or you might even wonder if there is something that counts as sex and something else doesn’t, but trust me.

All these questions, in addition to taking you away from that moment and from your mind, will not make you enjoy the experience. Not only that: even if you were lucky enough to have your first lesbian time with an already experienced woman, all these mental ruminations could take away sexual enjoyment from your partner too!

Therefore, do your best to be present and open to what is happening in that moment, so you can explore these new sensations and the other woman.

6 – Last but not least: don’t overthink it

If it’s your first time with another woman and you’ve only had sex with men before, you may feel confused about what lesbian sex means for your sexual orientation. And here we tell you, plain and simple: it doesn’t have to mean anything to your identity, even if you do it once, twice, five times or even every day.

Your sexual orientation is about the partners you want to interact with, not the type of sex you’re having. Only you can determine your identity. On the other hand, just like Grey’s Anatomy ‘s  Erica Hahn  after sleeping with Callie for the first time , you may find that you like women. Whatever your emotions, remember: the less stressed you are, the more likely you are to experience a exciting experience.

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